Finding cozy after being emptied
I was severely hacked
Hey! It’s Candye. This is your monthly letter where I talk about cozy-dark themes in paranormal mystery, sci-fi, tabletop games, and recommendations.
Stick With Me - I Won't Make This a Habit
I usually keep my letters more uplifting, but this one is a bit different. It still ends on a good note, but I can’t sit here and pretend I got a lot done last month. I even debated whether to share this—what if it just made you feel down, and you sent future letters straight to spam?
But we’re all human (at least, I hope), so we can understand a little of what each other is going through. And hopefully, it'll help anyone going through a rough season. Just like my stories, if there's a light, there's a shadow. And we'll get through it together.
A Difficult Month
I got hacked—badly. Everything is fine now, but I don’t think I’ve ever been more stressed in my life.
They had remote access to my computer. They bought things in secret, covered their tracks in disturbingly clever ways, and had been watching my activity for three days before I even realized something was wrong.
On top of that, my in-laws got a puppy—one that refuses to let me sleep through the night. So if I’m not working, I’m napping. And if I am working, I’m running on empty. Napping takes up the time I’d normally use to be creative, and worse, I wake up groggy and unfocused, so I have to take even more time to wake up.
Losing Creativity
After the hack, I couldn’t get into the creative headspace at all. I felt stuck. Completely drained. Over time, I've learned to recognize this, and instead of forcing creativity, I let myself ease into it.
So, I made a Pinterest board for Spring. I put together a wishlist of cozy, Spring-themed books and games on my Kindle and Steam. I compiled a watchlist of springtime shows. And in this season of feeling empty, I started watching Little Bear again. I used to put it on whenever I stayed home sick from school. It’s pure medicine.
Refilling the Well
The best thing you can do in these moments isn’t to berate yourself for not getting over it faster or for not accomplishing more—it’s to let yourself refill.
"You often feel tired, not because you've done too much, but because you've done too little of what sparks a light in you." - Alexander Den Heijer
One way I helped myself was by writing. You don’t have to be a writer or a poet, but something about writing helps your brain empty and create space for helpful thought. I created a poem to help myself process everything because I couldn't stop shaking from the stress.
I usually don’t share the background behind my poems because once they’re out in the world, they belong to you. But I wanted to share the poem that came out of it because you might still relate.
Ghost in the Machine
Violated and paranoid By the ghost in the machine. You've stolen what was mine left me empty with a blank screen wiped clean from your infection. Can't stop looping mind spinning, hands glitching, but I blocked all feeling just to function, Consuming everything. Waited for the crash that never came but you're high on dopamine. Is it really over, or will you still be there? A shadow shifting in the dark Through the digital gleam and the neon sparks.
Let me know what you think in the comments.
Learning from Stories
Another thing I noticed was the parallels to my books. I start writing about something and realize that my stories are teaching me how to deal with it in a healthy way.
I’ve been working on my cozy science fantasy series and TTRPG at the same time, letting them feed into each other. It's inspired by Hilda, 5 Worlds, and The Dark Crystal. The story takes place during a planet-wide power outage, and it’s literally about finding light in the darkness. Holding on to hope and coziness, even when—by all logic—there should be none.
I don’t set out to teach anything. I discover themes as I write, as if my subconscious already knows what I need to hear. I haven’t mastered the things I write about, but I know them to be true.
Low Led to Lower
When you’re feeling low, you can become your own worst enemy. I convinced myself that everything I made was useless. I’d forgotten about all the good things that had come from them, and social media felt like screaming into the void. I was just so tired of all of it.
I’m not saying this for pity, and I don’t want to bring anyone down. I’m saying it because if you’ve been here, you’re not alone.
Getting Back Up
Feeling bad isn’t wrong. But when you’re done, you have to get back up.
I love what I create. No matter if someone hates them or if they go unseen forever. I enjoy making them. I enjoy sharing them. They helped me in the ways I needed, and I hope they inspire others. But I can't control that, and as long as I'm having fun and have good intentions, that's all that matters.
"Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they're deciding, make more art." - Franz Kafka
This experience reminded me that no matter what happens, how scary it may be, it's always going to be ok. I've always been taken care of, and there’s no need to stress so dang hard. After wiping my computer and talking to the bank, I could have decided I’d done all I could do and moved forward into something I enjoyed.
RECOMMENDATIONS
Outer Worlds
In the past few days, I’ve gotten back into my worlds and have been gaming again. I don’t have a lot of recs this time, but I have been obsessed with Outer Worlds. It was explained to me as a knock-off of Fallout but in space, but I don’t feel anything generic about it.
It’s fun, there are a lot of quests, and it has such a light-hearted sense of humor. It also has combat, but if you put it on the easiest level and gain a companion, I found it pretty laid-back. The game has some cussing, so be aware of that if it’s a turn-off.
Little Bear
And as silly as it may sound to adults who don't watch cartoons, Little Bear was my light in the dark. My medicine and my cozy when logically, there should have been none. It’s not about denying what you’re going through. I just think it’s really important to acknowledge that you’re not feeling good about it, and you can bring yourself comfort and coziness to help get through it.
Music
I’ve been listening to these playlists lately; they have some really uplifting vibes. There is the Ryuutama playlist and the Little Bear playlist. I don’t think either is official, but they’re still great. If you like something a little warmer, gotta try Fe. I fell in love with that cello.
I hope you’re doing well, and if you feel like you’re in the dark right now, then I hope this has inspired you at least a little. I didn’t want to ask any personal questions this time, but feel free to comment about what you thought of this letter or any of the recommendations.
THANK YOU
Thanks as always for being here! And especially for sticking with me through this one. I hope you have a great month! Find your cozy <3
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Hi! I’m Candye. I write Paranormal Mystery and Sci-Fi with dark, cozy vibes and light-hearted adventures. I aim to invite awe into daily life and provide a place where you feel seen and heard.
When I'm not writing, I'm either reading my Kindle in the sunlight, playing cozy games, watching movies and cartoons, or drinking herbal tea with extra honey.